Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
