Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
