I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
