What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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