How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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