Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
