I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
