she pinky promised me she was 18
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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