I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did i walk over a car last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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