do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
two words: eviction party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
