Welp...herpes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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