Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
