And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
