I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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