Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i love accidental penises.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
