I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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