I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
