You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
