accomplished twins. life is a go
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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