i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's paper in my vomit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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