just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
