Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
