apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
