So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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