Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
