When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
