I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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