Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
