Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
