I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
