Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
