his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
