i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm just crazy horny about you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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