Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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