I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Randomize
