I puked a lego.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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