I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
