maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
