She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
