please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
