Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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