Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
