I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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