Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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