Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
