im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
