Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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