please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
