I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
