I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
